Making Sweet Love on a Bad Day

Is that a killer title, or what?

Today was a bad day. I was a very cranky momma.

Oh, it's hard to pin point the exact reason. I started the day out "by the book," up early, before the kids. Time in the word, time with my man, I made a sweet little homemade breakfast, read to the kids. It should have just worked out right; right?

Wrong.

And looking back, I can't quite figure out what finally made me snap. Oh, it could have had something to do with the three hours it took one of my children to be ready for her day and start school; just too many rabbit trails to find herself on. Or, it could have something to do with the extensive handwriting lesson one of my other children had to do because her brother almost suffered a concussion when he hit his head on the coffee table during a fun pushing game.

Or it could be the 100th phone call I knew I had to make to AT&T because they can't seem to bill us correctly and they like to make me sit on hold for 20 plus minutes each time. Maybe it was because I am crazy and allowed my children to get three kittens for Christmas?

Perhaps, the wonderful cold snow isn't so wonderful anymore; or maybe it's because we just moved to the town I grew up in and I'm secretly afraid someone will knock at our door and see that it is absolute chaos, and I'll have to use the line... "Hey, at least we're learning."

But then again, It might just have been one. of. those. days. But, perhaps I could just chalk it all up to a girl thing and blame it on my psycho thyroid and the fact that I have yet to find a doctor down here to get it under control.

Whatever the reason may be, I lost my temper, yelled at the kids. Felt the sweet momma in me run dry and went into my room and cried.

 

So then, I dried my eyes, gave myself a little pep talk, realized that I'm a total worthless parent without God and continued on with my day, teaching Judah the letter X, helping Jordan read the word, frog; again, talked to Alli about how Italy is shaped like a boot, and put Emmyn on her sweet "big girl time blanket" to play with blocks.

 

At lunch, we talked about Making Sweet Love.  

As the children ate, I put before them, four little cups. 

One overflowing, three empty. 

 

We talked about the marshmallows, how yummy and sweet they are. They resembled our sweet love. The love we have to share with others. I aksed the kids, how can "Mommy share this love with each of you?" They said things like,

"snuggle us"

"kiss us"

"read to us" 

"take us places"

with each thing they said, I gave them some of my "love."

Eventually, their little cups were full of love and mine was empty. 

I said, "Oh, no... look! Where is mommy's love?" (Of course, Judah reaches into the bag of marshmallows, grabs a big handful and says, "Right here, mommy!" But the girls understood. "You've given it all out to us." 

Then I told them about how a mothers love is like Jesus, it never runs out. But unlike Jesus, mommas get tired and need some love. 

I perked up, "SO! Who has some love for momma?" 

"I do!"

"I do!"

"Here is a kiss"

"Here is a thank you"

... the list went on and on, they were racing to see who could fill it up quickest. All of a sudden we all had plenty of love, to equally share. And we were all happy. 

And Jesus Said, 

My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.  John 15: 12-13

Oh, The day carried on like normal, we got on a good track, the house was a complete disaster, we learned, played, laughed, got in more trouble, made really delicious chicken and noodles, and after we were all finished,  sat and rested a while during Sweet Time. 

We sipped on coffee, nibbled on egg whites, and enjoyed a glimpse of summer with delicious juicy oranges while we listened to a story, my very favorite story of all. 

I haven't read it since March. Unable to handle the truth of it all, afraid I would come unglued. Each time I read it, silly I know; but I feel like it was written just for me.

And I was right, my eyes filled with tears, my mind filled with thoughts and it was almost more than I could handle. 

I. read.very.slowly.

Breathed.very.deeply.

Max Lucado writes: 

"He deserves lots of dots," the wooden people would agree with one another. "He's not a good wooden person." After a while Punchinello believed them. "I'm not a good Wemmick", He would say.

Judah asked, "Momma, those real tears?"

I paused, "Yes, Judah they are real tears."

I continued the book. Reading about Eli, the Maker.

Eli explains, "The stickers only stick if they matter to you. The more you trust my love, the less you care about their stickers."


"I'm not sure I understand", Punchinello says.

I understood today.

I asked the kids, like I always do, "Do you ever feel like you have a lot of grey dots?" I continued, "Mommy does."

I said, "Like when momma yelled today..." "You see," I said; "When momma does that kind of stuff, I spend the whole day feeling terrible,  like I am not a good mom, like I've let God down in the job he has trusted me with."

I continued, "But, that isn't the truth is it? That isn't trusting God's love, is it?"

Oh mommas, it is a hard day sometimes. Always wondering if we've made the right choice, always regretting something we've done or said. Battling things from the past, hiding emotions we are having and putting on smiles for our little ones. It isn't always easy, and it doesn't always happen. And when our little cups run dry of marshmallows and we cover ourselves with gray dots... all we can do is fall back into the arms of our Maker and let him stand us back up straight ready to right the good fight for one more round.

Eli smiled. "You will understand, but it will take some time you've got a lot of marks. For now, just come to see me every day and let me remind you how much I care." 

-Max Lucado


Alli whispers to me afterward, "Mom... thanks."

And she gives me a wink. 


Related Posts:
Laundry and Ice Cream
This is our Tree
Living Our Cinderella Story
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My Perfect Life- Keeping It Real

There have been a couple of times I have quit blogging. Any of you who have followed our days since the beginning, you can remember the posts, talking about taking a break. You know my struggle with the blogging world and sometimes it makes me quit for a while.

But I just can't help it! I'm a writing momma. I LOVE to write. Some of it, I post here because I love to blog. And... I'd like to keep it that way. =) BUT, I want to keep it real. I don't want to go into blog hiding again. =) So, from time to time, I'm gonna be sure you mommas remember, we all have struggles. All of our children have cranky, bad days. We all feel lonely sometimes, we all feel misunderstood from time to time. We all want to give up or some days just sit in a corner and cry. Nobody's life is picture perfect. If our lives were perfect, we wouldn't need the cross.

There is a false reality that comes along with reading about other peoples lives. I beleive we can get all wrapped up in what others are doing that it can become very damaging to ourselves as wives, mommas, and daughters of the King. We start to compare our lives, actions, and activities, with other mommas instead of how we measure up to the calling we have on our own lives; The calling of Jesus:

"Whoever claims to live in him must live as Jesus did."

1 John 2:6

If we claim to follow Jesus, we must live as He did. It's not a choice, it's a reaction. It's an overflow of who we are. You are loved by the King. Oh my goodness, I get goosebumps just thinking of His love and favor. 

Isn't it exciting? You get to share that with the world! It may be in your workplace, it may be in the hearts of your children; it may be in your reaction when you are wronged by someone for the 100th time or even the first time. You have to live like Jesus, who loved. 

You may be like the widow who fed Elijah; or perhaps you have a faith like the Canaanite Woman whom Jesus called a dog. Perhaps you need grace, like the  the woman caught in adultery that Jesus saved from stoning. Or perhaps, you're someone who needs to just.quit.throwing.stones. No matter what point you are in your walk with Jesus, you have only one person to imitate, Him.

I remember when I first became a stay at home momma. It all happened at once, I became a stay at home momma, homeschooling momma, and full time ministers wife in a new town, surrounded by all new people, all at one time. One night, I was crying, talking to Daniel about how I just didn't know how to juggle it all, and he looked at me and said something I will never forget, 

"As long as you are being the best daughter you can be; then how can you not be the best mother, wife, and friend." 

I still think of that every day. "Father, I'm doing the best I can; you'll have to fill in where I lack." And trust me, I lack a lot. So, the truth is simple. We're all always falling, and He's always picking us up, dusting us off and helping us start again. In the blogging world you never see the falls, you only see the beauty of His help.

For instance, see the cute picture of my emmyn eating an ice cream at the bottom of THIS post? Well, what you don't see is me threatening my two big girls, that if they don't quit looking at the naked women on the Music Videos we are never going to have an ice cream treat at the mall food court ever again. During our next visit, we found the section without TV's. THANK GOD- Don't even get me started on those TV's. sheesh. 

Oh and... remember the ad about Jerry? Well, what I had written and then erased is, that I laughed for about two minutes straight. Seriously! My whole body was covered with goosebumps when I read that ad. I was kind of making fun of him. = ( Then I felt all sad, because he actually had to write in the newspaper that he needed to share his life with someone. Then I felt all bad. But my hearts first reaction was to laugh at him. How sad. =(  OK, but seriously, Jerry... what a trip. See? I'm so BAD!

Let's see, remember "Making Sweet Love on a Bad Day?" Yeah, that was really a bad day. = /

Remember THIS post from just the other day? Well, what you don't see are the pictures of Emmyn ripping everything we were planting out of the soil. Then, you don't see her little hand getting spanked each time she did it; she's such a rebel. = )  I eventually gave her and Judah their own onions to go plant in the sand box. That is where the sand box pictures came from in that post... they were planing onions. =)

I didn't do a post about my three hour phone visit with my sweet Judi the other night. A visit which started with me trying to love on her during a heavy season in ministry for her. But instead, ended with me crying for about one hour because of a sad anniversary we have coming up and people I miss.

You see, there is no one good, accept the Father. Including people with cutsie little blogs. Our days are filled with challenges, temptations, sin, wrong choices, harsh tones in our voices, and bad judgment calls. That's the beauty of grace.

He is so good to give such good gifts.

May you be seeking Him each and every moment of your days. May He fill your every thought. While you slap your little babies hand, while you wipe your little guys runny nose... again. While you have yet another hard discussion with your teenager; while you show grace to your nagging mother just one more time. While you serve at that job you hate just one more day, or help that person just one more time.  May you remember to be the best Daughter of the King you can be.

The rest will fall into place, my friend. = )

"Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children. Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God."

 Ephesians 5:1-2

Enjoy the journey.

Loves,

 

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If Something Is Hurting You Might Just Be Doing Something Right.

What does Eleos look like these days, that is the most common question. 

Well, I feel our home is now adjusted to having five children, one a teenager. The one and only shower gets a work out, that's for sure ; )

Eleos is still a jewel, so precious. 

We're well over thirty now and I stand in awe each week of how big God is because I just don't know how we do it. I've started praying, seriously for a big van for deliveries, food purchases; trips to the store. Also praying for a second oven. Hey, you never know! =)

Each week, some steps are hard to take. A long walk to the door, sometimes swallows me in sadness.

It always starts with the neighbors, Mrs. Jewel and Mrs Barbara. They are usually in good spirits, both in their eighties. Mrs. Jewel is a little thing, loves to talk about her kids who never come to visit. Mrs. Barbara always has such funny hair, the kids always like to see what it looks like this week.  Sometimes she's having a panic attack, nothing a little prayer doesn't help. I've only known it to get serious once, which put her in the hospital for a week.

Next it's on to Mrs. Wanda, Mrs. Ruth, Mrs. Angie, and Mrs. Wilma. Mrs. Wanda is a quiet one, keeping mostly to herself. Mrs. Ruth was our first, she has been in and out of the hospital, some nights she feels sick and I take her dinner. I will be honest, I wonder each time I knock... will she answer. 

Mrs. Angie is such a hoot, she is almost completely deaf. The kids LOVE it when I call her on Thursday mornings. I yell at her, "HI MRS. ANGIE, IT'S KATI WITH THURSDAY MEALS; I'M BRINGING YOU LUNCH TODAY!" she always says, "OH"... "OH, YEAH" ... "OK" We always chat for a bit while the children walk down the sidewalk to Gram Wilma's. Angie talks a lot about her kids and often about how terrible it was losing her husband.

Then of course, it's on to Gram Wilma's house. She has a special place in our hearts. You will see her when you drive up, sitting behind her glass door waiting for a shadow to walk up the way. She is almost totally blind. When the children take her drawings, she always holds them upside down, trying to make out what they are. She always says, "Oh it's beautiful" =) She hugs tight and waves goodbye through the glass door, watching the shadow drive away.

We stop next at Mrs. Mildred's home, she just celebrated her 90th birthday, the balloon we took her still  hovers over her old broken living room furniture, walls telling stories of once upon a time. "My kids never visit me anymore", she says, "they're all too busy now." "All I have are these pictures to keep me company now."

Mr. Walter is just around the bend, he's new. One of our younger ones, just past 60. His body is broken and trying to raise two teen girls.

Mr. Clifford and Mrs. Wanda are next on the stop, along with their friends who are always there for lunch. Mr. Clifford is such a hoot, 90 years old; he gives the kids a hard time ; ) Mrs. Wanda is ever loving, always sweet. Sometimes they send us out the door with popcorn or even an ice cream bar. Jordan always wears a pretty dress for Mr. Clifford ; ) We take four meals here, so they can eat together with friends.  

It's a drive back into town as we visit Mrs. Juanita, Mrs. Nell, her caregiver, Mrs. Brown, and Mrs. Virginia. All sweet ladies only two or three blocks from each other, neither one knowing the other. I can't really explain the sweet simple joy I have when we walk into these sweet ladies homes and see pictures of our family or pictures the kids have drawn tacked to their walls.

They think of us too. 

Driving across town now to our perfect mid-way stop, Mr. Norman and Mrs. Joan.  Lovely is the word we use to describe Mrs. Joan, sitting always in her chair looking out at the beautiful birds and trees; working her crossword puzzles. Stricken by stroke, she has no other choice. Ornery is the word we use to describe Mr. Norman, always making us smile. Absolutely crazy about them, is the phrase we use to explain the way we feel about those two.

We stop next at Mrs. Mary's home. I have never met Mary, only her caregivers and her son. Her son does many things for the community and called me because he thought it would be a nice change of pace, someone else cooking on Thursdays. Mrs. Mary has Alzheimer's.


From there it's on to Mrs. Doris and Mr. James' house. Mrs. Doris' son just had his leg amputated, so I take a meal for him as well.  I've never met Mr. James, only talked with him on the phone. He never goes outside and when Mrs. Doris is leaving, I can't deliver lunch, because can't get to the door. He is always a joy to talk to on the phone and Mrs. Doris and I exchange conversation out on the porch, it's always nice.


We drive next, around the corner to our Granny Wilson's home. Always sitting at her table reading her bible, we tap on the window. She greets us with  a hug and we usually talk about the birds and plan our Saturday breakfast together.

From that Grandma, it's on to another, my mom. Not always such a great encouragement and probably one of my biggest complainers, (yes there are complainers) I just get to love on her this day, it always takes a little extra Jesus ; )

From there, it's around the corner and up the road to Mr. Bill. Sitting in his wheel chair opening the door as we walk up the way, he always gives a smooch on the cheek. He is another, always talking about his wife and children. His wife passed thirteen years ago, he always shows me the picture. One of his sons died right before, he always talks about how he could have done things different.

There is a break in time as we drive the country roads to the next homes, four people total. Dodging pot holes, and racing against the time, it's starting to get late in the lunch hour. We stop and visit Mr. Phillip and Mrs. Connie, always sweets involved. ; ) Then it's a stretch over to our last two, Mrs. Carol and her husband. He makes things, like guns and knives, and loves to show and tell. They have been so very sweet to donate a bug collection and lots of old magazines to our little homeschool = ) 

Oh, there are some not mentioned and some no longer on our route. As we drive by, we are sad; they've died or moved to a care home. Just two weeks ago, I sat next to a dying woman, unable to eat or drink, prayed with her, tried to share with her a glimmer of hope. She passed two days later. Then there are the ones, who surprise us. They seem fine and then all of a sudden, they're gone either passed or to a care home.

I walk up most stairs with a heavy heart. As the list grows my heart gets heavier, wishing there was more time. Wishing I could do more for each one, spend more time, help more. It's like almost everything in my life, God keeps reminding me... you're doing enough, for now.

It's hard mentally sometimes, as it should be. When it gets that way, I remember something Daniel told me one day almost two years ago when I was, what felt like, completely broken...

"Investment sometimes hurts, that is why people don't do it. You will lose someone, or be hurt by someone, sometime. It is easier to keep everything on the surface. When you love someone, you are vulnerable to anything." 

That is something I think of often as people are sick, lonely and wanting to talk just a bit longer; or even dying. When it hurts just a little, I remind myself it's because we're taking the time to care.

I say this not to pat myself on the back, my any means but to encourage you:

If something is hurting... you might just be doing something right. 

Loves,

Related Posts:
A Snow Date
Eleos Update
Love Starts at Home
Making Sweet Love on a Bad Day

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Monday's Coming, Mommas

When it's President's Day, drag out  that big bag of popsicle sticks you bought four years ago at a garage sale for 25 cents and build a log cabin.

Instead of cursing your old windows that are so cold in the winter and practically rain inside your home on cold days... make them into a paining canvas. 

Let the baby sit and play.

Explore the sunsets.

 

Watch the oldest and youngest play together.

 

 When you knock down the wasp nest; take time to research it. 

 Make your own birthday cakes, they really will love it.

 

Let them explore the woods right in their own bedroom on cold days. 

 

Let them splash in the water, even when there's snow on the ground. 

Take your little guy, pj's and all, for hang time. Cocoa and cards at the local diner will work just fine. 

 

You don't need two, just squeeze everyone on to one.  

 

When there's nothing else to do, field trip to the pet store. 

 

 Let them bring they're frogs in the house.

 

Don't forget to take pictures with them.

 

Teach them one of your favorite recipes.

Peek in on them when they're being quiet. 

 Let them dig in your cupboard and create new games. 

Let the little one do what the big ones do. 

 

 Let them sleep just a little longer. 

Because there are lots of moments that steal our joy throughout the day, savor the little moments that create joy.

Have a happy Monday, Mommas!

Related Posts:

Just A Little...

Making Sweet Love on a Bad Day

First Things First: A Trip to The Spring

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living the book of James-- week four of a simple devotion.

living the book of James
week 4
chapter 2:14-26

Sitting here with my little Emmyn, soaking up this week in James. Journey with me? psssst, it's one of my fav's =)

We ended last week with James 2: 5-12 and are starting this week with James 2:14-26

Monday: read James 2:14-26

Tuesday: read James 2:14-26 AGAIN and then go back and read James 2:14- 15  (thru end of 15)

Question: Do we consider ourselves someone who has faith? The passage is not referring to a faith like,  “oh yes I believe in Jesus.”  We cannot just say, “yes, I believe in Jesus, I have faith in him” and never do a good deed.  He is saying that a GENUINE Faith will produce good deeds because we cannot have a true faith without good deeds.

It is like this: If you are an apple tree, what kind of fruit are you going to produce? Apples! always! There will never be an orange on your tree. IF we are someone who is captured by faith in Christ as a savior than we will automatically be someone who produces good deeds. It is like the apple tree; it cannot help but produce Apples. Like a young tree, someone young in their faith will not produce as much as a mature tree, although they are producing. We cannot help but produce good deeds, it's an overflow of the God story.

Are you saved by deeds? No, not by deeds alone. We are saved by grace and grace alone. Grace, my - oh - my that wonderful thing called grace.

What a great deed that was-- the journey to the cross.

Tomorrow, lets examine ourselves. Are we REALLY a person of faith? Let's keep tabs on all of our good deeds and keep track of all our bad deeds. Which one wins out? How often do we think of others first? Friends, this is not a time for us to say, “Oh man, this is too hard; I can’t ever be good enough.” NO!

It's not all about being good enough, it's about being good--good to others.

All  God asks of us is we try. And when we mess up or fail, just try again. Lets try to be a person who thinks of others first. Trying to be a person who is more worried about other people than ourselves. It is something we can acquire, I promise! Galatians says that we will know a Christian by their fruit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.) If we are striving to live a life that Loves God with all our heart, soul, mind and strength our life will produce good deeds, which IS a true faith, the kind of faith that we are saved by.

Wednesday:  Read James 2: 15-17 (thru to the end of 17)

It seems like a lot of times we just see a ‘sad situation’ and walk away without doing something. We may even go home and say to our family… "I talked with this person l today that is having a real hard time, they just kept telling me about all this bad stuff that keeps happening to them." and you continue by saying… "I felt so sorry for them." 

What if, instead of just making that the ‘story of our day’ we made it the story of their day. What if we made a change in that person’s life--all by a simple deed.

What if we went home, cleaned out our closet and took that person a lot of new clothes from our own closet? Groceries from our own pantry, A gift tucked away in a secret place for them to find, never telling them what you did?

Have you ever done something like that? Let's take a second to write down what we think of this passage. Have we ever been in this situation? How does the passage challenge us?

Thursday: Read James 2:14-24

Notice that he asks in vs 14 ‘can such faith (a faith without good deeds) save you…’ What do you think?  vs 20 says You foolish man, do you want evidence that faith without deeds is useless? Then he tells the story of Abraham who was willing to sacrifice his son because God had told him to. God sent a sacrifice and Abraham did not have to do that but because of his faithfulness to honor God, his faithfulness to love God more than he even loved his son, he was called God’s friend.  Then he continues by saying… you see? A person is justified by what he does and not by faith alone.

Thought for tomorrow: Does God call us his friend?

Friday: Read James 2: 20-26

vs 26 says As a body without the spirit is dead so faith without deeds is dead.

This weekend, let's try to focus on being ALIVE in Christ! So excited about what he did for us, is doing for us we cannot help but make this life WONDERFUL by an overflowing of sharing love with others. Let's have fun, laugh, focus on the blessings of beauty all around us. Let's be thankful for friends to talk to, legs to walk on, clothes to wear, little cheeks to kiss, phones to talk to friends with… everything! When we learn to focus on the wonderful things it makes it a lot easier to love people through good deeds/actions/ words, etc.

It becomes our heartbeat.

Are you hurting right now? Hurting too much for this? Then friend, I pray someone is living this scripture with you, loving you like that sweet Jesus loves us.

 Loves to you, friend. 

totally lost? we started living the book of james here
week two is here
week three is here

One Thousand Hours In a Day

I love it when I can look back at my day and list so many wonderful things I have accomplished.

I woke this morning to my sweet hubby making pancakes for breakfast. It was so quiet in the house; I was just certain the kids were still in bed. But nope, they were in the school room (school room!! how wonderful is that?) making dresses for their dolls out of some scrap fabric. Man, I'll wake up to that rather than hurrying children off to school any day :-)

After breakfast and morning chores we headed out for some errands. During our errand runs we stopped by my friend Cindy's house to return some things she let us borrow. I was able to have a nice little conversation with her and set a dinner date for our families, that was so nice.

After Cindy's house we went to the hardware store in search of canning jars. We were in luck! I have had a hard time finding those little guys. All the places I have tried have been out of them. We must all have the same idea, yummy, fresh, homemade foods for winter =) (and I guess we are all having that idea a little late)

We then continued to do a few other little errands that would totally bore you; so I will not bother you with the details of our adventures of the grocery store, post office, church, etc.

During our errands it came a big storm, hail included. So home we went for a warm fire and homemade chili for lunch, ate by the fire of course :-)

After lunch Judah took his nap, Alli and Daniel made a mail box for the girls room while Jordan and I made and canned applesauce.

And of course, I have pictures for you...





It was very yummy if I do say so myself; naturally sweet and "cinnamonly" delicious.

The kids seemed to enjoy it as well.


They are so good to me, I am always harassing them for pictures, and they never seem to mind. Judah is so use to it that he instantly says cheeeeeese when am just holding the camera in my hand. The only bad thing about that is, it's hard to get those "natural" pictures.

During my canning I was also cooking two large crock pots full of homemade chili, plain hamburger meat and taco meat to freeze for yummy winter meals. It was a busy day in the Gibson kitchen. But the fruits of our labor will be wonderful on the nights dinner is all ready for us in the deep freeze.

While I was cooking Daniel was busy doing lots of honey doos =) One major thing was fixing the fan in the upstairs floor/downstairs ceiling. Now the heat from the AWESOME fireplace downstairs will be pulled up stairs. Right now it is 77 in our home and we have no gas furnace running. How blessed are we to be able to save all that money this winter season. God is so wonderful, he always helps us be such good stewards. Starting Monday Daniel and I are going on a rotation of waking up during the night to throw a few more logs on the fire.

For dinner I made some yummy steak nachos. Easy, healthy, and yummy.

Much later we had a house full of youth kids and a parent who stopped by after some trick or treat fun. It's nice having the house full of people again, especially when they leave candy for you. They are so stinkin' generous. :-)