It's True

I'm writing just a little here and there =)

You're welcome to come visit me here:

http://writingwithintrees.wordpress.com/

As always,

much, total, and full love. 

Our Glorious Days: A Glorious Goodbye with our story attached.

Let it be known. I am listening to Death Cab For Cutie as I begin this farewell. Pandora, what else can I say? My new love affair, honestly. I wonder what song will play next? Hmmm, I'll let you know. =) I've never heard this song before, Death Cab's (why is that their name?) I Will Follow You Into The Dark song, the one I'm listening to right now-- actually is quite fitting, in a Death Cab kind of way- to what I have to share with you today.

It's been a nice long road of words. Words, ah- my favorite things. =) 

(Ron Pope on the Pandora now.) 

Tonight, listening to Randy Garris speak of Living Life together (yes you should listen) and the beauty of mentorship without even trying-- made my heart swell big and my eyes well with tears until I could no longer hold them in and I began to cry and cry. 

I've had so many beautiful, wonderful, lovely, different, gracious mentors. 

You. Let it be known -- you have changed my life. 

Forever. 

And I don't just say that. You have. 

Through cups of hot coffee, keys on the keyboard, ticks on the text. Through hours of study together, last minute get togethers, sharing tears, or just an ear. You have changed me. 

You have kicked my booty many times. Those truths were hard to hear at times.  Oh, yes. And you've been wrong before- surely, I've been wrong more. 

It all started with a slice of apple pie. When they invited two young kids over for pie and play. They had two kids and we had one. Daniel and I fought every night, sometimes violently. You would never know it by looking at us. It was our secret. 

They only asked us for pie. 

And then, a play date at McDonalds. 

The rest -- history. 

I don't remember what else we did. I don't remember how Jesus in them, changed us. I don't remember exactly when the fighting stopped and when the love began but I do know this- if it had not been for them, loving us- we would not be here. And all they did was invite us to be next to them, in life. They shared a piece of pie with us, we talked about kids and boogers, I'm sure. And the rest is history.

And because of them loving us-- Well, that man of mine? We're so in love.

Then, there's you. Yes, you! And your story of love in our life. There's Mr. Carl Mrs. Judy's basement. There's Landis and his crazy Jesus freak ways spilling over. There's Ginny and all of our giggles, there's Judi and her loveliness. There's Ryan and his iron, sharpening my hubby. Marvin and Darie with their dreams and steadfastness, There's my first ever Chelsea friend, Tiffany and her family serving ways. There's Jenny and Rex and their master suite after only knowing each other for six weeks. =) There's Saundra and her sweet spirit every day at work. Oh, my the list goes on and on... you have all changed us. 

(Oh! Ed Sheeran on the Pandora. My FAV!)

There's Ting who showed us the world and each foster kiddo who shapes us into a new person, over and over again. 

There was never a bible study with any of you, oh but we always shared something from God's word. Most of us never attended church together- but we were the church together. Many of you have seen us at our worst and you loved so sweetly. Sometimes, you loved us back to life. 

When we started Our Glorious Days, we never ever dreamed it would be read around the world? That people from other states would send emails and new friendships would form through simply words? (very broken words at that) It was just intended to keep my mother in law in the loop of life in Missouri. =)  Really? Can so much come from such a little thing? OGD and it's sweetness has been dear to my little heart and I will cherish it's stories-- our stories, for a lifetime. But it's not us anymore. We've changed. And it feels like it's time to say farewell from here and start a new journey with words.

Together, with you- we tiptoed closer and closer to that Jesus of ours. Living, loving, and growing. 

Did we even know it? 

This. 

This is the answer to life. It's true. 

We must be with people. 

We must love, no matter the cost. 

We must seek justice, mercy, and show grace. 

We must change, grow, and thrive. 

We must live a life that is always broken- because we are so broken. 

We must open our hearts, lives, and be transparent in that brokenness. Only then, can we truly live.

This. Is our story. (video below is not pure in content, it's full of mess-- listen with caution to our messy lives and God's redemption?) Once upon a time. It's not that story any more. If someone asked us to share our story now, it would be a different one. 

But this one, THIS is the one you helped make new. All of you. You helped two broken kids become whole again, through grace. 

And it was messy, hard, and a challenge. 

But we thank you. 

(caution, it's a little vivid)




Love the journey you're on,

 

When Grace Is Absent: a little story of being kicked out of church

It seems like a lot longer than three years. Since the last time I saw him cry.

Daniel, that man of mine, he's not really a tear kind of guy. Three times only that I can remember in our almost 12 years of marriage. This day was number three. 

Home early, midday. A car full of books, papers, plans, and dreams-- ready to be packed away for safe keeping. 

Those things, still packed away. 

It's a sad day. The day they say to you, go away and never come back. Don't say goodbye, don't finish the conversations you were having with so many people, just sign here.

"We are offering to pay a 60 day severance to be paid in normal payment cycles, providing you agree to the following terms.

A. Attendance to this church is forbidden

B. Any and all means to malign the church or its leaders by you or your spouse, Kathlean Gibson, will terminate the severance agreement immediately. This includes all forms of internet use, chat rooms, Facebook, texting, etc. Any behavior that is viewed as defamation will be reviewed and decided by the Elders of this Church. 

C. Contact with he youth of this church with the intent of defamation will also terminate the agreement. 

Additionally, if all terms are met, a letter of reference by the Senior Pastor will be provided. 

Sign Here"

Have your stuff out within 24 hours. Don't take it personally, they said-- it's just business"

He sat there. Just crying.

"They asked me not to contact anyone until after Sunday. I'm not allowed to talk about it until they tell the congregation." He explained, "They canceled all the service projects scheduled for this weeks spring break, not giving a reason to anyone--I can't even give people a reason." 

"What was their reason", I asked. 

"We're not relational enough." 

"I don't agree with the vision of the church."

No warning, just get out.

What in the world do you do friends when you've been told to go away and never come back? 

What do you say when your nine year old,  who eats, sleeps, and breathes church-- says, "Can't go back to church? But anyone can go to church- no matter what."

I'll tell you what you do, you die. 

When the church, the body of Christ, Christ's Bride, the place where grace is abounding, becomes a business- when they turn their face to you and say go away, you die. 

you die a slow and painful, lonely death.

We're still dying. We're different now. 

It has changed us. Oh, we love. We serve. And we worship the One True God. But we don't give our heart away. We don't talk about much with you anymore. We don't really discuss much about what God is teaching us. And when you are sitting next to us in church, we're wondering-- who are they really and when are they going to hurt us? Daniel? He's not going to open up to you, that's for sure. You can tell me how wrong all of that is-- I already know. But for now, for some reason, it's just something we cannot shake. We pray for people to come into our lives and aid the healing. We're waiting, leaning on Jesus, and hoping for a day when all of that is gone.

And you see, when there is a pain like this-- people don't mention it. It's like a secret they don't want to bring up. Like having a child pass or a spouse leave you. Doesn't anyone realize maybe you just need to hear, "Hey, how are your wounds and what can I do to help? Let me sit here with you in the ash of the painful wounds, let's heal together." 

The hurt, it does bring hope. Being ripped away from the gathering of believers, being told to go and never return--the pain it has caused, there is hope in it. 

There should be pain. 

In scripture we see a loving, jealous, and just God. Then, we are introduced to a radical, loving, and just Jesus. A Jesus who loved prostitutes and sinners. A Jesus who always told off the Pharisees, A Jesus who said, keep nothing, and give it all. A Jesus who taught us how to offer a kiss to the person planning to turn against us and ultimately lead to our unfair trial and death. 

When the church, or anyone who follows Jesus, has operated outside of this Jesus way. It hurts. But when your heart longs to be loved the way Jesus loves, unconditionally. There is hope. 

I listen to a lot of sermons online. There is something special about having a friends voice fill your home with words the Lord has laid on their heart. Many people who have discipled me in the past or friends who are pastors stream their video or audio online weekly. Last night I listened on the edge of my seat as Randy Gariss of College Heights in Joplin shared a sermon that will forever change my life. A sermon that has challenged me, as a person who has been so badly hurt-- to never give up the good fight. I encourage you to listen intently to this message and be changed. May your heart be slowly healed in the Fathers time, however long it may take and may bitterness have no place in your heart. 

May you realize the truth: When the church, or anyone who follows Jesus, has operated outside of this Jesus way. It hurts. But when your heart longs to be loved the way Jesus loves, unconditionally. There is hope. 

May you or I never be that person causing the pain. May we be life givers and deliverers of hope.

Randy Gariss -- Finding Your Sweet Spot --oh, the sweetness of this message, friends!

Where there is love, there is life. - Gandhi

Where there is love, there is God. God is love.- Mother Teresa

We know what real love is because Jesus gave up his life for us. So we also ought to give up our lives for our brothers and sisters. 1 John 3:16

Healing alongside you,

Outside of that crazy thing called love, there is no God? how He is crazy in love with you! {Amazing YOU}

Some people are just good, maybe. 

Others, are lots of things. 

I am of the latter. 

What? Surprised? I know, I know... not so much of a surprise, huh? 

Truth is, it's the truth. 

I'm a mess.

 

I think, however, I am finding-- being a mess is the new "in" as far as Christian culture goes. The days of looking like the cookie cutter perfect Christian are going by the wayside and the "I'm not perfect, I'm flawed and I need Jesus look is in." 

And I wear it well. 

I am very flawed and crazy in need of Jesus. 

The trouble with being this new kind of "cool" is: We're all here.  I'm here, you're here, she's here, he's there, some of them are there, our parents are here, and even some of our grandparents. Problem is, being cool is harder than you think. 

Track with me here. 

I wonder if being "messed up and in need of grace" is really as cool as we think. 

Take myself for example: Let us expose my "coolness" - shall we?

I don't like crosses. I don't have them in my house, I don't wear them as jewelry, or apparel. I don't say, "God Bless America", and I don't pledge my allegiance to a flag. I like secular and christian music both, I love to dance like crazy with music loud and crazy kids. I drink the occasional glass of wine, sometimes a swear word comes out in adult conversation, and I often justify my haughtiness towards people who look down on the poor. Sometimes, the bible totally confuses me-- even makes me question, religious people make me super sad, I don't know where I totally stand on abortion or gay rights, I struggle with feeling worthy or of worth. If you eat processed foods often, I have to remind myself, it's OK. My children don't watch Disney channels or follow any of the recent "Bieber" type fads... sometimes (OK, always) I wonder why other children do.  Why do I do that when it's none of my business? *sigh* 

I digress. 

I don't wear or own crosses because I don't feel it is something Jesus would want me to make a fashion statement or "bling out" I think he would rather I smile, show love, talk with someone, help someone, rather than wear an item of fashion. (I know you do all those and wear crosses) I also realize it is a big step for some to wear a cross. It's OK, It's just me. I don't judge your crosses. 

I don't say "God Bless America" I'd rather say, "God Bless Everyone" It's just me. 

Come on, I don't listen to hard core rap or anything icky. But I love me a little Maroon 5 Moves Like Jagger (but we can't watch their videos), or Train from time to time. Along with various folk songs. 

Hold it, hold it, I like wine occasionally-- I didn't say I get drunk. And when in paid ministry, daily attending to the needs and mentorship of teenagers and parents, wine was not even a thought. You can't tell teenagers not to be drinking if you are, no matter how rare it is. 

I don't know where I stand on abortion or gay rights because I think everyone has free will- we can't force non-Christians to follow the ways of Jesus and we can't pretend to walk in other peoples shoes.  Now, government funding? I know where I stand on that, not a fan. 

There are days when I justify all of these and there are days when some of these make me fall to my knees. And this is just to name a few.  There are days when I wish I could just wear by best dress to church on Sunday morning, sing some songs, listen to some talking, go home feeling all christian and be happy- be safe.

Honestly, there are days when following Jesus is hard and confusing. Things I use to think were important aren't anymore. Things I use to think we're "Biblical" maybe never were, and always I'm starting back at square one. 

On my knees. Literally. Asking, begging, pleading with God.

"O to grace how great a debtor daily I'm constrained to be!
Let thy goodness like a fetter, bind my wandering heart to thee
Prone to wander Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love
Here's my heart, O take and seal it, seal it for thy courts above"

One thing never changes.

I am absolutely in love with our savior.

How do we serve a non-changing but totally supernatural GOD of the universe? How do we just love. Love unconditionally. How do we condemn people for things of today when people of 100 years ago would have condemned us for what we Christians now do and allow in our homes today? How do we confront sin in a brother instead of talking to another brother about it? How do we forgive those hard to forgive people? Better yet, how do we forgive ourselves?

Do you see what I mean? Where is that church dress, fancy music, and sermon? Buffet afterwards? I need to just feel "safe" and quit thinking!  Maybe this "cool" messed up club isn't very fun.

----------------------------------

How do we protect ourselves from the enemies lies of worthlessness? After all, he is always out to destroy us. He is always reminding us of all our wrongs. To have it his way: we would be his next reckless, Adam Lanza. He wants to get inside of us and destroy our minds, our relationships, our everything. He wants our yuckiness to spill over and infect all those close to us.

He wants to steal our gift. 

Our gift of grace. He wants us to think we are not worthy of such a gift. As though he would understand worthy. HA!

He whispers little lies like, "Oh, it's not that bad... is it?" OR "Remember what you did? God wouldn't choose someone like you." He is the king of justifying our sinful, selfish nature and then reminding us of it.  Because he wants to devour us.

He's out to steal our worth.

Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 1 Peter 5:8NIV

 Looking for me. Looking for you. 

Sometimes he makes us feel like we are better than others. But how can that be when Jesus loves us all the same? Sometimes he makes us feel more holy because we "do" more. Or he makes us feel worthless because we just don't do enough. 

Sometimes, he simply tricks us into staying so busy-- trying to be perfect, that we don't make time for being broken.

-----------------------------------------

Lean near and let me whisper something sweet into your ear, friend. God is so in love with you. Broken, messy, wonderful, you!

And he is bigger than everything you could ever imagine. He is bigger than any storm, he is bigger than any lie of worthlessness or self righteous. He is bigger than any hurt and can heal any wound. He is bigger than politics, secular music, and processed foods.

You will never figure him out, you will never know all the answers. you will never display him-- outside of love, correctly.

Outside of love, there is no God.

 "Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love." 1 John 4:8

He designed love.

"This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us."
John 3:16

He didn't come and rule with a strong hand, he came to die. 

A friend of mine recently said, "My way of seeing the world continually shifts. But through it all, the beauty of Jesus who sacrificed his life for the Kingdom of God compels me. His vision of a new humanity caused him to not only die for a cause, but to die for a cause when he could have killed to force his vision upon the world. "

He reminds us of it's attributes. 

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." 1 Corinthians 13: 4-6

Love is the only absolute when it comes to understanding the complexity, the diversity, the absolute magnificence of the one true God. 
 

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55 8-9

The drunk, He loves.

The gossip, He loves.

The preacher, He loves.

Me, He loves.

You, He loves.

That, and that alone is our secret weapon.

May His love silence out the roaring lion in your life and may you feel like the treasure you are. 

May you feel His love today and always, friends. And may that love cause you to be radical, different, and outstanding, you!

Simply because you are loved. 

Related Topics:
Because sometimes the enemies lies are louder than His whispers
A Painful Memory, the story of grace.
Grace

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Six Questions That Might Just Change a Life

Perhaps time isn’t the enemy – maybe it’s how we use it.

In a world of spinning to do lists, places to go, things to plan, and people to love — how do we remember the most important person of all...

Follow me (little 'ol me) HERE today for a bit of (in)couragement? It is a pleasantly, perfectly happy day in the gibson home. {i feel like a grown up}

giggles!

Loves,  

.

for my love. REMEMBER? {a little story about you and me}

remember when i first met you?

it was raining and you didn't want to get your new shoes dirty.

i walked you down that hill to those trailer looking school rooms to collect the attendance.

i kind of liked you.

remember our first date? The one where you said, "i think i kind of like you" and i said, "i think i kind of like you, too."

remember that summer?

remember how i would sneak over to your house bringing you toaster strudels and you would hide the generic pop tarts from your mom so she would think you had eaten them?

remember all the countless movies?

remember all the basketball?

remember all the drama?

remember country grammer?

remember how much my mom hated you because you parked in her grass?

remember how everyone hated us being together?

remember when i kissed that other boy?

yeah, that was bad.

remember when i first said, "i love you"?

yeah, that's embarrassing.

remember when it all went crazy and we saw each other every day without sharing a single word?

remember how you spent your days at play while I prepared for a baby?

remember what it was like when you first held her?

remember how we decided to get married?

do we seriously remember any of that now?

remember how your grandma gave us $500 and we thought we had won the lottery?

remember the big FAT tv we bought with that money?

yeah, that was before flat screens. we thought we were real cool, didn't we?

remember when we both got "real jobs"?

remember how bad we always fought?

remember how i would totally beat you up?

that's hilarious. {hey, watch 'yo self!}

remember when we thought it was all a crazy mistake?

remember when we entered the doors and made those friends?

remember how that changed our lives?

remember how that Jesus rocked our world?

remember when we got into that big fight in the church parking lot and you got out of the car and walked home?

yeah, that was totally funny too-- we lived pretty far away.

remember how many times we fell -- trying to learn how to walk this whole jesus road with new legs?

remember when our love was finally for real? when we really felt it?

remember when we bought our first home and thought we'd live there forever?

remember when we bought all those other ones thinking the same thing?

remember all.the.times.we.moved?

remember all those kids we had?

remember how crazy we are about them?

remember when we decided to walk their roads with them, schooling them and training them, each and every day?

remember the time we danced and danced and danced--living our cinderella story?

remember the first hitch hiker i picked up? 

remember how mad it made you? {ok, that's still super funny}

remember when you worked for a church?

remember how that broke our hearts?

remember how, once again, we walked that road-- that crazy winding, long, hard road with those new legs?

remember how nothing ever makes sense but it all makes perfect sense?

remember how we agree on everything? 

seriously.

remember when we thought we'd move to my hometown?

remember how totally crazy and hard that was?

remember how we sort of liked it after all?

remember how we like the kids in bed by 8:30 so we can sit and chat?

remember when we were 20 and we decided to make ourselves like coffee, starting with decaf?

we're so big now.

remember how we are happy with little or happy with much?

yeah, we've had some cool lessons.

remember when i cheated at stratego all those times and you still beat me?

remember all the prayers we prayed to live a crazy life-- poor in africa, teaching in taiwan, hippies in new england, watching wildlife in montana, little apartment in new york--living life in a coffee shop, a house full of orphans, farming in tennessee, with friends in so many towns, working in so many churches?

remember how god said, not yet- not now, not that, not there-- just.here?

remember how once again, we walked that road-- that sad lonely, loooong road with those new legs?

remember how we talk?

i mean how we really talk. how you know me, how I know you.

remember how our bodies are a bit more ache now that we're getting older?

remember how we have cocoa on christmas morning and the gifts are just not a big deal?

remember how many blessings that jesus gives?

remember how he tells us to give it all away?

remember how we talk about chickens, kids, old people, love, family, life?

remember how we LIVE?

remember how we do it all together?

remember how it's all totally crazy and unexplainable, this thing called us?

i kind of like that.


   (me)



take time today, friends?

i'm sure you have some 'remembers' =)

When your life says slow down but your heart says go faster-- that is a hard day.

I drive over to her house to pick up my little Jordan, who has just finished reading to her, and smile real big, "Hello, Mrs. Wilma." 

Her eyes are even worse now and her housecleaning lady has quit yet again and she hasn't been given a bath in several says because the company who sends people to bathe her keep having people quit. We talk about the wonderful weather. 

She says Jordi read her a couple of her favorite books and they enjoyed chatting over the warm cookies. As Jordan packs up her things and gets ready to head out the door Mrs Wilma asks me to read the label. 

The label of her frozen t.v. dinner. 

It's all crusty with ice and as hard as a rock. I read the label-- scrambled eggs, diced potatoes, and fruit cocktail. You can freeze fruit cocktail? After reading the label, she asks me to place it in the microwave for four minutes because it's hard for her to see. The number four has a big magnifying sticker on it, making it bigger for her to see. She pushes number four a lot. She eats a lot of frozen food.

As I pull away from the microwave, she asks the question. 

"So, what are you planning to make for dinner?" 

and my heart sinks. 

"Well, we're having waffles tonight, Mrs. Wilma so it looks like we are both in the mood for breakfast." Of course my dinner is a bit more fresh and yummy-- bigger and filling. Big belgium waffles with a big side of chicken. Chicken and waffles. 

But I don't tell her that. 

I stand there for a bit and try to pull myself together because my eyes are filling up with tears and I
just want to save her. I want to dance around her house and make it all clean and tidy. I want her to have a bath, I want her to have a warm meal. Really, I just want to put that wheel chair of hers into high gear and load it into my mini van and take her for waffles and chicken. 

But I can't. 

I can't. The list of things I can't do are getting bigger. The hole in my heart is getting bigger and my smile gets harder and harder to put on when I leave my house. Because there is hurt everywhere. 

                                                             -----------------------------

What do you do when your life says slow down but your heart says go faster? What do you do when you notice the people closest to you-- the people in your own home are getting nothing because you are giving it all away? 

When that reality came to me-- I slept for two days.

I don't really remember anything that went on around me. I don't remember meals I cooked or if I even cooked any, really. I remember a quick visit to the ice cream shop with the kids for cards and ice cream cones-- trying to find a bit of normal-- but other than that, the world just seemed to stop. 

When the reality came to me that I am giving too much and I need to let go, I felt like I was going to die. I typed up a letter, I included it in my tasty meals and I delivered the warning to each and every sweetie pie old person. I gave the notice-- Soon, I won't be delivering meals every week. Out the door we went, delivering heart ache and lunch and that was a terrible day. 

And you know what, It's not about failing. I am fine with failure, I do it all the time. It's about not doing when there is so much to be done.

I'm fine now. We have a new little routine of seeing our people and it's better. I never knew it would be better-- but it is. We see them individually now, we get to chat longer because we're not in such a hurry to get to the next home before lunch gets cold. =) I'm not shopping all day Wednesday for  food, cooking all Wednesday evening and Thursday morning while my children's school just doesn't get done.

Now, instead of visiting 32 people in one day, we sit and chat with two or four. It's harder in some ways, because of course when you sit and chat a bit--it takes longer. We see some every week, some every other week. Some we take extra of our dinner, others we just bake cookies. Some, we clean a bit on their house, others might need a repair. We're here and they know it. Our kiddos paintings are still on their walls and they see our cutie pie pumpkins we dropped by with fall love, sitting on their tables-- so I think we're OK.

Not really,  I guess. But sort of. 

What do you do when you really just want to have nothing and give everyone all of you and you'd really be OK with that--when the reality is, you live in your warm house, wearing your fuzzy slippers and you drink warm coffee on cold nights, and you can pretty much do anything you want to do with your life BUT give it all away.

How do we fold laundry, wipe spit up, change diapers, teach math, run errands, keep food on the table-- three times a day, stop fights, teach character over, and over, and over again-- feeling like we are getting nowhere, and still go save the world?

Well, that's not our job, is it?

It's all about the one. And it starts with the one(s) in our home. I have to trust that God knew what he was doing when he called me to this roll of mom. I have to remember life is big and full and God uses time and I have a lot of time, it's all going to be OK. 

The truth is, I feel I would be better off alone, living on the streets with the poor and oppressed. And some days the enemy uses that against me. Don't get me wrong, I am madly in love with my children and that man of mine-- I love them so much, I'd gladly drag them through the streets with me loving on others-- it's that bad. 

God has me here. And here is hard. Here is good. Here is trusting. Trusting that God knew this day would come and he would know my wild heart, and this is what He has given me. He knows the true intentions of my heart and He knows the true depths of my intentions. He hasn't open any other doors so this is where I am and this is good--because it is still with God. 

So, I laugh with my kiddos and we love strangers. We do chores and go deliver pumpkins and pie. We play with friends and are there for them when they need a friend.  We say no and have little so others can have more. We look globally and try to keep our mind open to seeing things culturally -- not as an American christian but rather a follower of God, who is so much bigger than a white American ; ) We go to flag football games, and field trips.

And it is a daily choice. 

This choice of, I am going to be happy where God has me-- knowing he had placed me here. Not to stay here, but to grow here. Knowing the sheep hear the Shepherds voice and if he calls me to do something, I {hope I} will. All the while, praying like crazy that His voice is all I hear.

May you listen today, friends. Listen to the Shepherds voice. Rather it be go or stay, come or leave. Laundry or serving, or both. To say yes or say no. To sit or get up. To walk or run, to give away or buy more. To love one today, or love many. May you trust in where God has you, knowing he knew-- all along, you'd be there. And He has saved them and it's not our job.

Our job is simply to live fully and love fully.

Loves,

there's this special person in our lives and we call her, nana

I can still remember her first words to me.

"So you're here to steal my son, are you?"

She was standing there, between two pillars in the door way-- she scared me.

My skirt was waaaayyy too short, my hair even shorter. Her hair in a bun and a dress long, I knew I was in trouble. 

I pick up her son, whose name was Danny at the time and we backed out the drive.

"You never told me your mom was pentecostal, I shouted."

"Oh," he replied-- "she's not really pentecostal, just sort of."

Well, you could have fooled me.

Here I was, picking up her little boy-- headed out to do whatever two crazy 16 year old kids can do. God only knows, it wouldn't have made his momma proud.

We've grown.

Her hair is now short, sometimes she'll wear jeans, and I'm madly in love with that boy of hers. It was a rough start and I was sure the devil of a daughter in law-- but we've grown.

We're like this crazy little village of people full of broken pasts and memories. But again, that God of ours- making all things new, He makes it beautiful. 

And he's mine, and she's fine and we all walk this road together.

Happy Birthday, Nana.

Much love,

big 'ol Him taking care of little 'ol them through little 'ol you. {a winner announced!}

It's funny how that God of ours works. 

Two days after we announced  "Operation Bottle" I received an update from Christy regarding her adoption telling me the child they had hoped for had become adoptable! The babies home had met with the family of the little boy and they wanted him to have a forever home!

You can only imagine how wonderful this felt! Someone out of the blue organized the first adoption fundraiser and only a couple days later they find out the little guy they were hoping to adopt is adoptable! 

And you know that God of ours, he knew the timing of this little fun thing ending and tons of little bottles descending on their little home-- offering a bit of encouragement possibly on this long road of adoption?

So when I received the message on Friday updating us on the new news from Uganda, my heart skipped a beat and I thanked that big God for his perfect timing:


(FROM CHRISTY)

"It is with a heavy heart that we share this news with you. We just found out this afternoon that "Little R" has an uncle in Uganda that wants to keep him. Amazing to me that Little R was in an orphanage for over a year and not one relative came forward to even visit him. And now, this man came out of the blue and said he will keep him. In his words, they will "manage". The uncle already has Little R in his custody and we are no longer able to adopt him. Don't get me wrong, I am totally for reunification with family IF they are able to provide the child with a good home. I've just seen too many cases in Uganda where children are tossed from family to family and they aren't given proper care. They are often times forced to work hard at an early age, are abused, or go hungry. I just pray that Little R doesn't become one of those cases.

 

I have never personally lost a child in the womb, but I can imagine what I'm feeling is somewhat similar to what a mother experiences when she looses her unborn child. You spend months thinking about your child and what life will be like once they are with your family. You dream about them and their future. You pray for them and that you will be good parents. And then one day, they are gone. Totally unexpected. It is at that moment that you realize that life's not fair. In fact, sometimes it stinks (as a nice way to put it). But then you get up off the floor, brush off your pants, and thank God for another day. You realize that even when times are tough, God has a perfect plan and we must trust in Him and His promises.

Would you please join our family in praying for this uncle? If he truly is supposed to care for Little R, please pray that he will be a good role model, teach him about Jesus, love on him and that he will be a good provider for his needs. And if he's not supposed to care for him, please pray that God impresses on his heart that there is a family that already loves him and wants to adopt him. Pray that he understands what a big responsibility it is to raise a child and if he can't step up then he needs to step down.

We are so very sad but I suppose situations like this are to be expected. I keep hearing stories of how hard adoption is and I believe it. But I also believe very strongly that we are called to adopt and God will get us through the tough times. We just need a little time to grieve but we aren't going to let this stop us. We will continue on with our adoption journey and follow God's leading. We appreciate your prayers - and especially for Little R, wherever he is."




So, when I deliver those simple little bottles full of all your love, I want you to know-- you were a part of something bigger. You were apart of God's plan.

Big 'ol him taking care of little 'ol them through little 'ol you.

Their adoption is on a steady path, with God leading the way through prayer and friends like you and I.  They are praying for the child God has chosen for them and we can't wait to meet that little sweetie! Meanwhile, we know Little R is being watched by the same Big 'ol God and he loves us all-- so beautifully.

Might I say-- God has not made me a rich person because I would always remain poor. How do I choose only one person to win and everyone else loses? I know it's not about the winning but if you know me at all, you know-- I'd just give something to all of you for your sweetness. However--again, If you know me =) you know, I changed my mind and drew two names. It was just so stinkin' fun!

Two of you will be getting a beautiful handmade Ugandan necklas from  Amazima Ministries founded and ran by our sweet Katie Davis in UG.


Amazima Ministries was founded by Katie Davis in 2008. The 501(c)(3) organization, based out of Franklin, TN, feeds, educates, and encourages orphaned and vulnerable children and the poor in the country of Uganda.  We do this through child sponsorship (over 600 children), feeding programs (over 1,200 children each day Monday through Friday), community outreach, medical care, vocational initiatives, and spiritual discipleship.  -taken from Amazima Ministries website.

You can read more about Katie's life HERE.

When we purchase these necklaces we give mommas like you and I, ways to provide for their families. There are no job applications or Craigslist ads in their country, friends. These sales bring hope and a glimpse of a God who cares for them.

On to the drawing:

We started the old fashioned way, names in a bucket and choose one. My little Emmyn chose first, since she is my smallest I thought it'd be fun ; )

And the first winner is:

Tiffany T.

After that was over, the kids and I we're like, "That's it? We've waited a month and it's over in 3 seconds?" So, we did it again ; )

This time, all the kids took out names and we left only one.

  Hmmm, I wonder who that is in there = )

Nicole W.

Do you see what I mean about having fun?! I almost re-took this picture and then my oldest says, "Mom, that's us-- we're crazy" =)

So, I left it. (he, he, he)

There ya have it. Tiffany T. whom I know and Nicole W. whom I do not know. Nicole was one of the ladies who took on the load and did her own bottles for Christy as well, hers were way cuter than mine!

People I didn't know at all, didn't know well; or had known for years took the challenge and helped this family. Many of you not knowing them at all.

I am blessed by you.

Ladies, I have to order them and have them shipped-- it'll be a couple weeks before they are here and then I will get them to you.

THANK YOU to all of you who helped; the cost of adoption is very expensive. When God places something like this on our hearts-- we, in our comfortable homes sometimes get a little afraid. But don't forget that Big 'ol God who silenced the lions for Daniel will conquer any mountain you might be facing because you have chosen to obey.

Much, total, & full love.



this post is a follow up to:

I need your help--and I don't have a church family, really. { I have friends. Friends with this little thing in common, Jesus. }

this was once my grandmothers house { how we must love fully }

This was once my grandmothers house. 

I remember when I was a young girl and we would travel there-- I would always run fast from the car to step on the grass. 

She had the fancy grass. You know, the kind that stands two inches from the ground and feels like you're walking on clouds.

I remember her yard was always so beautiful and full of life. Her backyard was full of flowers and there was always laundry hanging out to dry. I remember she went out and fed the birds each morning, even calling one Robin by name, Robbie. He would eat rasins from her hand. 

She had raised him from a baby and set him free in the back yard.

I remember the day of my Papa's funeral, the adults sat inside listening to the funeral service on a cassette tape. I was outside, kicking a ball against the shed and back. 

 

I remember the way her door would sloowwwly close with that hissing sound only screen doors can make.

I remember my mother and her, never getting a long. I remember my mom always saying, "Mom, you don't have to make your yard look perfect, you really are too old to be out there doing all that work." I remember going for walks while visiting -- my mom would always say, "Oh, my goodness. I don't know why your Mema chooses to live in this neighborhood. The houses are so close together."

I was 12 when my grandmother passed away. I remember my mother had a letter from my grandmother,  sitting on the kitchen counter. She had been to busy to write her back. Those were the days when you paid for long distance and nobody had a home computer.

When the call came in that she had passed away, I remember how badly it hurt my mother.

And now, when you hear my mother talk of my grandmother, she has only good things to say about her. That grandmother she use to talk about is no more and she dreams of just one more day with her mom, in that cramped neighborhood, with that perfect yard-- just one day to sit and love.

So when I tell her I'm making a trip to Oklahoma City she asks me to go.

"Go and take some pictures for me, Kati. I haven't seen it since we laid her to rest."

And today when I give her the pictures, I simply write:

"I hope these photos can bring good memories and not bad pain. It is such a good testament to how we must love fully today because we are not guaranteed tomorrow."

I love you,
Kati

And it did to me, like writing somehow always does--

it changed me. 

May we love fully today friends, 

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