Wednesday, May 26, 2010


Among the many things I write here, there are stories I do not post. There are, of course, the several stories in my mind, and in my journal but there are also the ones here that I type and read back on from time to time but don't usually post.

This one I wrote the Sunday after Easter this year. Tonight, while troubled and seeking the Father, I remembered this night. The night he reminded me to trust and thought I'd share.

May you ask Why many, many times; learning to trust over and over again.

Daniel and I up and left for a camping trip on Tuesday afternoon. The weather was beautiful and honestly, we were sick and tired of being home dwelling on life, alone.

So, we thought "That's it, we're out of here."

It will be simple, we thought. We have all we need already.

one pair of clothes for the day per person, one per night for the cold.
one tent
one sleeping bag per person
one chair per person
two days worth of simple food
we're gonna rough it!

Well, do you know how HARD it is to rough it? There is NO place around here to rough it. We drove and drove looking for a place to just pitch a tent by the river. It was such a hoot. We found some very interesting places.

It was 7:30 and almost dark when we finally found a spot but we all worked together and had such a fun time. Daniel is so great with outdoors since his summer wilderness trip last year. This trip was a lot of fun. We enjoyed daddy teaching us all different techniques for survival.

Kissing Emmyn's little cold cheeks and fingers each morning while watching the sun rise was simply one of the the sweetest opportunities I have ever had. Exploring nature, playing in the cold river, singing by the fire, and telling sweet stories, it was very nice.

Thursday we came home for some much needed bathing and laundry =) Some friends from out of town called and asked us to come for a visit and since we were already going to visit our friends Brad & Ginny and Chris & Judy it fit right in to visit Grant and Bethany.

It was a fun time Friday night with Grant and Bethany. Catching up, sharing life, playing games. It was good. Grant and Bethany are the ones who introduced us to a real relationship with Jesus. So much has changed since we first met them. Not only were Daniel and I on the brink of divorce when we met but they had only two children then, one three and another almost two. We had only one, Alli, who was almost two. Now they have four and the oldest, who was three then, is almost as tall as me now. Not to mention, our Alli is no longer only one year old, and we have grown a little ourselves ;) . Among so many other things, you can't help but just sit there and think, wow. How life changes.

Next stop was a birthday party and day with the Andrews family. After the birthday party we were invited to tag along for a special lunch treat. Reminded us of the college days. The whole Andrews family was so good to minister to us while in college. Daniel was the youth minister at their church while attending school. We were new to Missouri, had no friends, and knew nobody. We had just left our "glamorous- all American life style" to attend Bible college. I remember when we moved from our newly purchased dream home into the tiny, roach apartment with the one closet. They met us where we were in our loneliness and became like family.

Then today, we celebrated the life of Jesus with several old friends from the church I worked at while Daniel was in college. Then headed to the Huelat's and Allmoslecher's for a nice afternoon of community. House packed and children playing hard. It was all very familiar. The whole weekend. Sweetness all around, good old memories flooded my mind. Times of learning, times of struggles, the sweet memory of that kindred spirit type thing. When things were...


I remembered the feeling from years ago when Grant and Bethany announced they were leaving the church/gathering/place we found Jesus. They were moving on, to another gathering. Leaving. They were there for only a season, yet that season changed our lives, forever. I remembered that time of asking God, Why?

I remembered the feeling I felt as I cried myself to sleep in that little apartment after moving to attend Bible College, feeling like we had made a big mistake, what had we gotten ourselves in to, God? Why?

I remembered the feeling I felt as we left all we loved to come here, to Ozark. I remembered all of the countless nights, days, weeks, months of loneliness and tears upon moving here. My mind flooded with all of the hills, all of the unexpected mountains there were to climb. I remembered all of the lessons, all of the very hard lessons. I remembered all of my pleading and asking God, Why? Why have you put us here? What is it all for? Why here?

Then I sat in the row today. Missing the things that are now just "once upon a time". Things that seem like just a fairytale. All just a dream, gone overnight.

Not knowing the person on my right and only knowing my husband on my left.

I sat there, looking at all the pretty faces. Thinking. What about that conversation we left off to pick up on next week. Then next week never came. What about that hurt they were having. What about that situation we've been praying for, what about that. What about me. What about us. We're still here. Why? It's all we know, why? As I sat looking at all the smiles I thought. Today, I'm not in the mood for smiles. Today, I just want to ask Why again.

We thought we would go and feel at home. We thought we would feel like that piece of the puzzle we had been missing would finally be in place. But found ourselves asking yet again, Why.

Oh, no. What next.

This week, we felt the sweet cold on our cheeks, the cold river between our toes, discovered God's Creation and witnessed His many wonders.

We laughed with friends who first introduced us to a Savior.

We shared with friends who gave us a family.

We sat in sanctuary with people who continue to grow and encourage us.

And came back to the question, Why.

And He simply answered through His unchanging history of faithfulness in my life,