When Grace Is Absent: a little story of being kicked out of church

It seems like a lot longer than three years. Since the last time I saw him cry.

Daniel, that man of mine, he's not really a tear kind of guy. Three times only that I can remember in our almost 12 years of marriage. This day was number three. 

Home early, midday. A car full of books, papers, plans, and dreams-- ready to be packed away for safe keeping. 

Those things, still packed away. 

It's a sad day. The day they say to you, go away and never come back. Don't say goodbye, don't finish the conversations you were having with so many people, just sign here.

"We are offering to pay a 60 day severance to be paid in normal payment cycles, providing you agree to the following terms.

A. Attendance to this church is forbidden

B. Any and all means to malign the church or its leaders by you or your spouse, Kathlean Gibson, will terminate the severance agreement immediately. This includes all forms of internet use, chat rooms, Facebook, texting, etc. Any behavior that is viewed as defamation will be reviewed and decided by the Elders of this Church. 

C. Contact with he youth of this church with the intent of defamation will also terminate the agreement. 

Additionally, if all terms are met, a letter of reference by the Senior Pastor will be provided. 

Sign Here"

Have your stuff out within 24 hours. Don't take it personally, they said-- it's just business"

He sat there. Just crying.

"They asked me not to contact anyone until after Sunday. I'm not allowed to talk about it until they tell the congregation." He explained, "They canceled all the service projects scheduled for this weeks spring break, not giving a reason to anyone--I can't even give people a reason." 

"What was their reason", I asked. 

"We're not relational enough." 

"I don't agree with the vision of the church."

No warning, just get out.

What in the world do you do friends when you've been told to go away and never come back? 

What do you say when your nine year old,  who eats, sleeps, and breathes church-- says, "Can't go back to church? But anyone can go to church- no matter what."

I'll tell you what you do, you die. 

When the church, the body of Christ, Christ's Bride, the place where grace is abounding, becomes a business- when they turn their face to you and say go away, you die. 

you die a slow and painful, lonely death.

We're still dying. We're different now. 

It has changed us. Oh, we love. We serve. And we worship the One True God. But we don't give our heart away. We don't talk about much with you anymore. We don't really discuss much about what God is teaching us. And when you are sitting next to us in church, we're wondering-- who are they really and when are they going to hurt us? Daniel? He's not going to open up to you, that's for sure. You can tell me how wrong all of that is-- I already know. But for now, for some reason, it's just something we cannot shake. We pray for people to come into our lives and aid the healing. We're waiting, leaning on Jesus, and hoping for a day when all of that is gone.

And you see, when there is a pain like this-- people don't mention it. It's like a secret they don't want to bring up. Like having a child pass or a spouse leave you. Doesn't anyone realize maybe you just need to hear, "Hey, how are your wounds and what can I do to help? Let me sit here with you in the ash of the painful wounds, let's heal together." 

The hurt, it does bring hope. Being ripped away from the gathering of believers, being told to go and never return--the pain it has caused, there is hope in it. 

There should be pain. 

In scripture we see a loving, jealous, and just God. Then, we are introduced to a radical, loving, and just Jesus. A Jesus who loved prostitutes and sinners. A Jesus who always told off the Pharisees, A Jesus who said, keep nothing, and give it all. A Jesus who taught us how to offer a kiss to the person planning to turn against us and ultimately lead to our unfair trial and death. 

When the church, or anyone who follows Jesus, has operated outside of this Jesus way. It hurts. But when your heart longs to be loved the way Jesus loves, unconditionally. There is hope. 

I listen to a lot of sermons online. There is something special about having a friends voice fill your home with words the Lord has laid on their heart. Many people who have discipled me in the past or friends who are pastors stream their video or audio online weekly. Last night I listened on the edge of my seat as Randy Gariss of College Heights in Joplin shared a sermon that will forever change my life. A sermon that has challenged me, as a person who has been so badly hurt-- to never give up the good fight. I encourage you to listen intently to this message and be changed. May your heart be slowly healed in the Fathers time, however long it may take and may bitterness have no place in your heart. 

May you realize the truth: When the church, or anyone who follows Jesus, has operated outside of this Jesus way. It hurts. But when your heart longs to be loved the way Jesus loves, unconditionally. There is hope. 

May you or I never be that person causing the pain. May we be life givers and deliverers of hope.

Randy Gariss -- Finding Your Sweet Spot --oh, the sweetness of this message, friends!

Where there is love, there is life. - Gandhi

Where there is love, there is God. God is love.- Mother Teresa

We know what real love is because Jesus gave up his life for us. So we also ought to give up our lives for our brothers and sisters. 1 John 3:16

Healing alongside you,

Six Questions That Might Just Change a Life

Perhaps time isn’t the enemy – maybe it’s how we use it.

In a world of spinning to do lists, places to go, things to plan, and people to love — how do we remember the most important person of all...

Follow me (little 'ol me) HERE today for a bit of (in)couragement? It is a pleasantly, perfectly happy day in the gibson home. {i feel like a grown up}

giggles!

Loves,  

.

for my love. REMEMBER? {a little story about you and me}

remember when i first met you?

it was raining and you didn't want to get your new shoes dirty.

i walked you down that hill to those trailer looking school rooms to collect the attendance.

i kind of liked you.

remember our first date? The one where you said, "i think i kind of like you" and i said, "i think i kind of like you, too."

remember that summer?

remember how i would sneak over to your house bringing you toaster strudels and you would hide the generic pop tarts from your mom so she would think you had eaten them?

remember all the countless movies?

remember all the basketball?

remember all the drama?

remember country grammer?

remember how much my mom hated you because you parked in her grass?

remember how everyone hated us being together?

remember when i kissed that other boy?

yeah, that was bad.

remember when i first said, "i love you"?

yeah, that's embarrassing.

remember when it all went crazy and we saw each other every day without sharing a single word?

remember how you spent your days at play while I prepared for a baby?

remember what it was like when you first held her?

remember how we decided to get married?

do we seriously remember any of that now?

remember how your grandma gave us $500 and we thought we had won the lottery?

remember the big FAT tv we bought with that money?

yeah, that was before flat screens. we thought we were real cool, didn't we?

remember when we both got "real jobs"?

remember how bad we always fought?

remember how i would totally beat you up?

that's hilarious. {hey, watch 'yo self!}

remember when we thought it was all a crazy mistake?

remember when we entered the doors and made those friends?

remember how that changed our lives?

remember how that Jesus rocked our world?

remember when we got into that big fight in the church parking lot and you got out of the car and walked home?

yeah, that was totally funny too-- we lived pretty far away.

remember how many times we fell -- trying to learn how to walk this whole jesus road with new legs?

remember when our love was finally for real? when we really felt it?

remember when we bought our first home and thought we'd live there forever?

remember when we bought all those other ones thinking the same thing?

remember all.the.times.we.moved?

remember all those kids we had?

remember how crazy we are about them?

remember when we decided to walk their roads with them, schooling them and training them, each and every day?

remember the time we danced and danced and danced--living our cinderella story?

remember the first hitch hiker i picked up? 

remember how mad it made you? {ok, that's still super funny}

remember when you worked for a church?

remember how that broke our hearts?

remember how, once again, we walked that road-- that crazy winding, long, hard road with those new legs?

remember how nothing ever makes sense but it all makes perfect sense?

remember how we agree on everything? 

seriously.

remember when we thought we'd move to my hometown?

remember how totally crazy and hard that was?

remember how we sort of liked it after all?

remember how we like the kids in bed by 8:30 so we can sit and chat?

remember when we were 20 and we decided to make ourselves like coffee, starting with decaf?

we're so big now.

remember how we are happy with little or happy with much?

yeah, we've had some cool lessons.

remember when i cheated at stratego all those times and you still beat me?

remember all the prayers we prayed to live a crazy life-- poor in africa, teaching in taiwan, hippies in new england, watching wildlife in montana, little apartment in new york--living life in a coffee shop, a house full of orphans, farming in tennessee, with friends in so many towns, working in so many churches?

remember how god said, not yet- not now, not that, not there-- just.here?

remember how once again, we walked that road-- that sad lonely, loooong road with those new legs?

remember how we talk?

i mean how we really talk. how you know me, how I know you.

remember how our bodies are a bit more ache now that we're getting older?

remember how we have cocoa on christmas morning and the gifts are just not a big deal?

remember how many blessings that jesus gives?

remember how he tells us to give it all away?

remember how we talk about chickens, kids, old people, love, family, life?

remember how we LIVE?

remember how we do it all together?

remember how it's all totally crazy and unexplainable, this thing called us?

i kind of like that.


   (me)



take time today, friends?

i'm sure you have some 'remembers' =)

When your life says slow down but your heart says go faster-- that is a hard day.

I drive over to her house to pick up my little Jordan, who has just finished reading to her, and smile real big, "Hello, Mrs. Wilma." 

Her eyes are even worse now and her housecleaning lady has quit yet again and she hasn't been given a bath in several says because the company who sends people to bathe her keep having people quit. We talk about the wonderful weather. 

She says Jordi read her a couple of her favorite books and they enjoyed chatting over the warm cookies. As Jordan packs up her things and gets ready to head out the door Mrs Wilma asks me to read the label. 

The label of her frozen t.v. dinner. 

It's all crusty with ice and as hard as a rock. I read the label-- scrambled eggs, diced potatoes, and fruit cocktail. You can freeze fruit cocktail? After reading the label, she asks me to place it in the microwave for four minutes because it's hard for her to see. The number four has a big magnifying sticker on it, making it bigger for her to see. She pushes number four a lot. She eats a lot of frozen food.

As I pull away from the microwave, she asks the question. 

"So, what are you planning to make for dinner?" 

and my heart sinks. 

"Well, we're having waffles tonight, Mrs. Wilma so it looks like we are both in the mood for breakfast." Of course my dinner is a bit more fresh and yummy-- bigger and filling. Big belgium waffles with a big side of chicken. Chicken and waffles. 

But I don't tell her that. 

I stand there for a bit and try to pull myself together because my eyes are filling up with tears and I
just want to save her. I want to dance around her house and make it all clean and tidy. I want her to have a bath, I want her to have a warm meal. Really, I just want to put that wheel chair of hers into high gear and load it into my mini van and take her for waffles and chicken. 

But I can't. 

I can't. The list of things I can't do are getting bigger. The hole in my heart is getting bigger and my smile gets harder and harder to put on when I leave my house. Because there is hurt everywhere. 

                                                             -----------------------------

What do you do when your life says slow down but your heart says go faster? What do you do when you notice the people closest to you-- the people in your own home are getting nothing because you are giving it all away? 

When that reality came to me-- I slept for two days.

I don't really remember anything that went on around me. I don't remember meals I cooked or if I even cooked any, really. I remember a quick visit to the ice cream shop with the kids for cards and ice cream cones-- trying to find a bit of normal-- but other than that, the world just seemed to stop. 

When the reality came to me that I am giving too much and I need to let go, I felt like I was going to die. I typed up a letter, I included it in my tasty meals and I delivered the warning to each and every sweetie pie old person. I gave the notice-- Soon, I won't be delivering meals every week. Out the door we went, delivering heart ache and lunch and that was a terrible day. 

And you know what, It's not about failing. I am fine with failure, I do it all the time. It's about not doing when there is so much to be done.

I'm fine now. We have a new little routine of seeing our people and it's better. I never knew it would be better-- but it is. We see them individually now, we get to chat longer because we're not in such a hurry to get to the next home before lunch gets cold. =) I'm not shopping all day Wednesday for  food, cooking all Wednesday evening and Thursday morning while my children's school just doesn't get done.

Now, instead of visiting 32 people in one day, we sit and chat with two or four. It's harder in some ways, because of course when you sit and chat a bit--it takes longer. We see some every week, some every other week. Some we take extra of our dinner, others we just bake cookies. Some, we clean a bit on their house, others might need a repair. We're here and they know it. Our kiddos paintings are still on their walls and they see our cutie pie pumpkins we dropped by with fall love, sitting on their tables-- so I think we're OK.

Not really,  I guess. But sort of. 

What do you do when you really just want to have nothing and give everyone all of you and you'd really be OK with that--when the reality is, you live in your warm house, wearing your fuzzy slippers and you drink warm coffee on cold nights, and you can pretty much do anything you want to do with your life BUT give it all away.

How do we fold laundry, wipe spit up, change diapers, teach math, run errands, keep food on the table-- three times a day, stop fights, teach character over, and over, and over again-- feeling like we are getting nowhere, and still go save the world?

Well, that's not our job, is it?

It's all about the one. And it starts with the one(s) in our home. I have to trust that God knew what he was doing when he called me to this roll of mom. I have to remember life is big and full and God uses time and I have a lot of time, it's all going to be OK. 

The truth is, I feel I would be better off alone, living on the streets with the poor and oppressed. And some days the enemy uses that against me. Don't get me wrong, I am madly in love with my children and that man of mine-- I love them so much, I'd gladly drag them through the streets with me loving on others-- it's that bad. 

God has me here. And here is hard. Here is good. Here is trusting. Trusting that God knew this day would come and he would know my wild heart, and this is what He has given me. He knows the true intentions of my heart and He knows the true depths of my intentions. He hasn't open any other doors so this is where I am and this is good--because it is still with God. 

So, I laugh with my kiddos and we love strangers. We do chores and go deliver pumpkins and pie. We play with friends and are there for them when they need a friend.  We say no and have little so others can have more. We look globally and try to keep our mind open to seeing things culturally -- not as an American christian but rather a follower of God, who is so much bigger than a white American ; ) We go to flag football games, and field trips.

And it is a daily choice. 

This choice of, I am going to be happy where God has me-- knowing he had placed me here. Not to stay here, but to grow here. Knowing the sheep hear the Shepherds voice and if he calls me to do something, I {hope I} will. All the while, praying like crazy that His voice is all I hear.

May you listen today, friends. Listen to the Shepherds voice. Rather it be go or stay, come or leave. Laundry or serving, or both. To say yes or say no. To sit or get up. To walk or run, to give away or buy more. To love one today, or love many. May you trust in where God has you, knowing he knew-- all along, you'd be there. And He has saved them and it's not our job.

Our job is simply to live fully and love fully.

Loves,

big 'ol Him taking care of little 'ol them through little 'ol you. {a winner announced!}

It's funny how that God of ours works. 

Two days after we announced  "Operation Bottle" I received an update from Christy regarding her adoption telling me the child they had hoped for had become adoptable! The babies home had met with the family of the little boy and they wanted him to have a forever home!

You can only imagine how wonderful this felt! Someone out of the blue organized the first adoption fundraiser and only a couple days later they find out the little guy they were hoping to adopt is adoptable! 

And you know that God of ours, he knew the timing of this little fun thing ending and tons of little bottles descending on their little home-- offering a bit of encouragement possibly on this long road of adoption?

So when I received the message on Friday updating us on the new news from Uganda, my heart skipped a beat and I thanked that big God for his perfect timing:


(FROM CHRISTY)

"It is with a heavy heart that we share this news with you. We just found out this afternoon that "Little R" has an uncle in Uganda that wants to keep him. Amazing to me that Little R was in an orphanage for over a year and not one relative came forward to even visit him. And now, this man came out of the blue and said he will keep him. In his words, they will "manage". The uncle already has Little R in his custody and we are no longer able to adopt him. Don't get me wrong, I am totally for reunification with family IF they are able to provide the child with a good home. I've just seen too many cases in Uganda where children are tossed from family to family and they aren't given proper care. They are often times forced to work hard at an early age, are abused, or go hungry. I just pray that Little R doesn't become one of those cases.

 

I have never personally lost a child in the womb, but I can imagine what I'm feeling is somewhat similar to what a mother experiences when she looses her unborn child. You spend months thinking about your child and what life will be like once they are with your family. You dream about them and their future. You pray for them and that you will be good parents. And then one day, they are gone. Totally unexpected. It is at that moment that you realize that life's not fair. In fact, sometimes it stinks (as a nice way to put it). But then you get up off the floor, brush off your pants, and thank God for another day. You realize that even when times are tough, God has a perfect plan and we must trust in Him and His promises.

Would you please join our family in praying for this uncle? If he truly is supposed to care for Little R, please pray that he will be a good role model, teach him about Jesus, love on him and that he will be a good provider for his needs. And if he's not supposed to care for him, please pray that God impresses on his heart that there is a family that already loves him and wants to adopt him. Pray that he understands what a big responsibility it is to raise a child and if he can't step up then he needs to step down.

We are so very sad but I suppose situations like this are to be expected. I keep hearing stories of how hard adoption is and I believe it. But I also believe very strongly that we are called to adopt and God will get us through the tough times. We just need a little time to grieve but we aren't going to let this stop us. We will continue on with our adoption journey and follow God's leading. We appreciate your prayers - and especially for Little R, wherever he is."




So, when I deliver those simple little bottles full of all your love, I want you to know-- you were a part of something bigger. You were apart of God's plan.

Big 'ol him taking care of little 'ol them through little 'ol you.

Their adoption is on a steady path, with God leading the way through prayer and friends like you and I.  They are praying for the child God has chosen for them and we can't wait to meet that little sweetie! Meanwhile, we know Little R is being watched by the same Big 'ol God and he loves us all-- so beautifully.

Might I say-- God has not made me a rich person because I would always remain poor. How do I choose only one person to win and everyone else loses? I know it's not about the winning but if you know me at all, you know-- I'd just give something to all of you for your sweetness. However--again, If you know me =) you know, I changed my mind and drew two names. It was just so stinkin' fun!

Two of you will be getting a beautiful handmade Ugandan necklas from  Amazima Ministries founded and ran by our sweet Katie Davis in UG.


Amazima Ministries was founded by Katie Davis in 2008. The 501(c)(3) organization, based out of Franklin, TN, feeds, educates, and encourages orphaned and vulnerable children and the poor in the country of Uganda.  We do this through child sponsorship (over 600 children), feeding programs (over 1,200 children each day Monday through Friday), community outreach, medical care, vocational initiatives, and spiritual discipleship.  -taken from Amazima Ministries website.

You can read more about Katie's life HERE.

When we purchase these necklaces we give mommas like you and I, ways to provide for their families. There are no job applications or Craigslist ads in their country, friends. These sales bring hope and a glimpse of a God who cares for them.

On to the drawing:

We started the old fashioned way, names in a bucket and choose one. My little Emmyn chose first, since she is my smallest I thought it'd be fun ; )

And the first winner is:

Tiffany T.

After that was over, the kids and I we're like, "That's it? We've waited a month and it's over in 3 seconds?" So, we did it again ; )

This time, all the kids took out names and we left only one.

  Hmmm, I wonder who that is in there = )

Nicole W.

Do you see what I mean about having fun?! I almost re-took this picture and then my oldest says, "Mom, that's us-- we're crazy" =)

So, I left it. (he, he, he)

There ya have it. Tiffany T. whom I know and Nicole W. whom I do not know. Nicole was one of the ladies who took on the load and did her own bottles for Christy as well, hers were way cuter than mine!

People I didn't know at all, didn't know well; or had known for years took the challenge and helped this family. Many of you not knowing them at all.

I am blessed by you.

Ladies, I have to order them and have them shipped-- it'll be a couple weeks before they are here and then I will get them to you.

THANK YOU to all of you who helped; the cost of adoption is very expensive. When God places something like this on our hearts-- we, in our comfortable homes sometimes get a little afraid. But don't forget that Big 'ol God who silenced the lions for Daniel will conquer any mountain you might be facing because you have chosen to obey.

Much, total, & full love.



this post is a follow up to:

I need your help--and I don't have a church family, really. { I have friends. Friends with this little thing in common, Jesus. }

Meet Prisca.

Meet Prisca.
Her birth certificate indicates that she is 7 years old. Her father died of AIDS. Her mother wanted to re-marry, but her new husband would not accept Prisca, so her mother chose him over keeping her own daughter. Tribal custom now considers Prisca an orphan and leaves her to her father’s family. For over a year, Prisca has been passed around to members of her father’s family. She’s likely been abused, she’s clearly starving, and none of the father’s family will keep her for very long. The uncle that she is currently living with told us (in front of Prisca) that he has too many mouths to feed already and that she is only a burden to him.

Take a second to look at life from Prisca’s perspective: her mother is alive somewhere but she abandoned her, no other family members want anything to do with her, she’s slowly starving to death, stunted and malnourished. Prisca has eyes that speak of no hope and helpless. --Project Hope Worldwide

______________________________________________________________________________

When my friend Christy sends me a message today saying, "Thought you might be interested in learning about Prisca ;-)" My heart pounded a little harder, my eyes got all teary and I simply thought,

"I cannot keep her, read her books, make her peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, or teach her how to ride a bike. I cannot sing silly songs, dance with her, or teach her ABC's. I cannot tuck her into bed at night, hold her through nightmares, or kiss her face when she wakes up each morning. I cannot turn a bad day good. So, I suppose sponsorship is the next best thing."

Maybe less or no TV channels, one less meal out, or maybe even a cheaper brand of toilet paper is worth helping her have a reason to smile? Taking time to write letters, share pictures, send little gifts, and draw pictures is worth it for her to know the love of a savior?

For her to know love.

Consider sponsoring your own little sweetie?  We've sponsored our Jonnah for six years now through World Vision and are now Using Project Hope Worldwide to sponsor Prisca. We recommend both as well as Compassion International.  

"If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person?  Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth." 1 John 3:17

So thankful that Jesus of ours loved us not with [only] words or speech but with actions and truth.

 So, I sit here. I sit with my sweet little homeschool book, praying how to be a better momma to my littles, how to teach them, love them, serve them--honor Him. I sip my coffee.

Then, with just a click of a button I can sponsor a child and she becomes a member of our family? How amazing is this? Right there along Alli, Jordan, Judah, Emmyn, Jonnah, Ting, and now Prisca. We'll write her, she'll write us, and we will love her--wishing she was truly ours but knowing she is truly His and He has given us the opportunity to Love Her.

Love ,

We're Moving.

For those of you who know us at all... that title caught your eye, didn't it? =)

We started praying about it when we fell in love with Jesus, when he adopted us-- two very broken kids into His family. We surrendered our hearts fully to it on Thursday. And on Friday, God made some things quite clear and I smiled real big through my tears.

I don't know why this sister of mine has such a special place in my heart. I can count on one hand how many times we have seen each other face to face and held more than a five minute "real" conversation yet I feel like I've always known her.

While praying the other day for clarity beyond the yes,  that great big God of ours laid my sister, Christy, heavily on my heart; finally showing me how our hearts are so similar. He simply told me that morning, while driving my mini-van packed with kids singing silly songs in the back-- "This is why she is so special to you. Because I started her on this road before I started you."

And then! Then! That amazing God of ours used another sister, Ginny to confirm this that very day.

She had told me she couldn't wait to give me my birthday gift and she wanted to give it to me in person. It had been months since I had made the trip to her state to visit her and even this trip almost didn't happen. Looking back now, I know God had different plans. When she gave me the gift, I realized why I had made the trip. Why I had made the trip, that Friday. The Friday, after the Thursday we had surrendered. That Friday, the Friday He had spoken to my heart about my friend and our roads.

The picture. Taken by my friend Christy during her trip to Africa last year. She sold these prints as a fundraiser this summer for her trip back to Uganda. Ginny had bought me the picture.

And on the back, she simply writes:

"Kati When I saw this picture, I knew you needed it. Check out our African Sister joyfully doing her day's work-- providing for those she loves. It's a pretty big bundle she's got, but this girl even has enough spring in her step to turn around and offer a sassy, energetic smile. Totally Y-O-U."

And I cried. Of course, you know me. 

Two sisters, joyfully working in Uganda.

Uganda, the place Christy goes to serve.

Uganda, the place she is adopting from.

Uganda, the place our Katie loves, serves, and has surrendered her heart to. The place she has introduced us to and helped us fall in love with.

Uganda, the place Ting always told me to forget about and think more about Taiwan =)

Uganda.

So, when I ask that man of mine, all cute and giddy about our final surrender, "What country?" He simply says, "Of course, Africa."


So, we're moving. No, no, we're not becoming missionaries =) We're not moving away. We're moving forward. We're surrendering our hearts, finally, and choosing to Trust that Amazing God of ours and adopt. And we're praying it starts a chain reaction that we can't ever stop and our crazy house will be full to the brim with whoever God will bless us with.

Because He adopted us.

We don't know how we'll afford it, we don't know how long it will take, we don't know anything at all about what and where to start-- no more than our friends have shared and Google has searched but we know the character of our God--

and isn't that all we need to know?

I have accepted a position with my Hubby's company, providing financial services and education to families and small businesses. I have a lot of tests to pass and a lot of training to do but I have a purpose. 70% of my earnings will be going towards our adoption. This way, when doors open-- we can tip toe through them, scared and shaking,  having no idea what's beyond them but knowing we were obedient.

Luckily my job can be done mainly from home and when not at home, Daniel can be. So we'll tackle it all together-- this thing called life. We'll both teach the children, we'll both do our jobs, we'll both fold clothes, play games, do dishes, struggle through the mounds of paper work and budget all the costs together. All because God is so good.

So good, to take two very broken people, young and stupid, full of selfishness, and pride. Overwhelmed with guilt and bad decisions and made us new. He adopted us. Two unwanted people-- two people who didn't even want each other let alone want to surrender to Him. And you know what?

When He adopted us, He gave us life.

"Father to the fatherless, defender of widows—
    this is God, whose dwelling is holy.
 God places the lonely in families;
    he sets the prisoners free and gives them joy..."
{Psalm 68: 5-6a NLT}

Please pray for us.

Pray for the one He will send us. Pray For God's will to be done in their lives. Remember Esther and Moses? They were both adopted.

"This man had a very beautiful and lovely young cousin, Hadassah, who was also called Esther. When her father and mother died, Mordecai adopted her into his family and raised her as his own daughter." {Esther 2:7 NLT}

"Later, when the boy was older, his mother brought him back to Pharaoh's daughter, who adopted him as her own son. The princess named him Moses, for she explained, "I lifted him out of the water." {Exodus 2:10 NLT}

We feel very strongly it will be Africa, we hope for a boy between three and four years old. We know, with the size of our house, they will only approve a boy since Judah is the only one who doesn't share a room. And when we asked each other what age, we both had the same idea, pre-school age. When I get to feeling all bad about having specifics-- I simply pray God's will be done above all.

Will you please pray for humbleness, direction, wisdom, and God's will to be done as we start this new journey? Will you also praise him? Praise him for our hearts finally surrendering and trusting Him with this decision.

What if we fail? Surrender.

Wholehearted Thanks,

Saying Good Bye

We loaded him on the plane and sent him off all alone. First stop, Dallas. Next, LA-- then at 3:32am he called to say,

"I'm off to Taiwan."

I know it's overkill, I know you're tired of it by now. But there is just something special about this boy, our little family, and his great big new love for our great big God.

At his going away party, he chose to read Colossians 3:1-17 NLT to us in Chinese and Daniel translated. He talked about some of the struggles he will face in Taiwan and told us what we could be praying about. The house was full of people and the road was lined with cars. It was a step back in time, my little heart went pitter patter. We sat out under the trees just talking, eating food, watching our men and their boys battle it out over basketball, and our little girls getting wet. It was a great night.

The next morning we loaded him up to go home. And it hurt really bad. I thought it would be fine, I thought we wouldn't even cry. But it's just that momma in me-- thinking about my littles and how much they love that boy. My Judah and his roommate, Ting. My Jordi, with all her questions for him. My Alli with her never ending love of learning Chinese, and then there's Emmyn. Before Ting came, she couldn't even say his name. Now she says, "I love you Ting, you go home to Taiwan?" Ting replies, "Yes, and I'm taking you home with me." =)

 

He read those little words then packed them away in that great big bag; the bag almost bigger than him.

Now the pictures are down off the wall, 

 

The chair sits empty at dinner, 

But we've left many foot prints along the way.

And we know we will see him again one day.

God is so good.

Loves,